Sometimes you just have to weep on the floor, and that is OK

When you survive a loss everyone is so quick to tell you how strong you are, and how tough you must be. But actually, no one has a choice to survive grief, it’s not optional. You just have to cry in the shower, sob in your pillow and believe you will make it. The way i’m choosing to deal with it is writing this blog and yes I still cry, everyday as a matter of fact. Losing Masyn was literally the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I struggle everyday to put on a smile and act like I am just peachy. Any little thing can trigger my tears, a video on FB, a pregnant woman, even a little girl having fun in the park. I hold myself together quit well in public.

There is no time limit on your grieving process. When you are grieving you are not responsible for making everyone happy. You do not have to try to fix things. Take time to just be, sit, and feel. As day goes on you do feel better and you go through your day, but when I sit at home alone or when the sun goes down my mind starts to go again. Who would she have been? who would she have looked like? would she have been a tattoo wearing lady like her momma? or a outdoor hunter like her daddy? or maybe a good mixture of both? maybe neither!

I know it may not seem like a big deal to you, maybe you have never lost a baby, or maybe you have and it wasn’t that painful for you. It wasn’t ” just a miscarriage “, it was the loss of a baby, MY BABY. It was the loss of my dreams I had for her. Everyone that goes through a loss deals with it different so please do not tell me you know how I feel.

The hormonal roller coaster….. now that is something that may have to wait for another blog lol….. its been a ride.

The truth is…… you don’t get over grief. It just changes on you. It might look different today than it did yesterday, but its not something you get over.

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2 thoughts on “Sometimes you just have to weep on the floor, and that is OK

  1. Thank you for sharing your story, I was only 7 weeks along. I have two healthy babies I never had a problem conceiving. We had been trying for a year before we got pregnant with our angel baby we only got 7 weeks. I couldn’t imagine losing any further along. The pain that comes after trying and giving up and trying and finally conceiving is too much for me some days. It’s been 4 months and I’m still not the same woman, wife or mother I was. I never would understand this hurt or pain and I’m sure I can’t understand yours. None are “better” than the other. It does help reading other women’s stories and knowing we’re not alone and being able to talk and listen with other mothers that do understand. I’m so sorry for your loss but grateful to read your story. Thank you and I apologize for the long reply.

    Liked by 1 person

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