FML

Why? Why me? My two week wait was hard, but I stayed strong and didn’t test. Good thing I didn’t! Getting AF was enough heartache.

I guess I don’t understand. How many times can someone keep falling flat on their face? How was it so easy the 1st time? Why is my body punishing me? Am I not worthy enough to have a baby?

I’m taking a break…. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I want my baby back. I had so many plans for her.

It’s been 4 months…… everything month I’ve cried….. every month I keep asking why? Every month my heart breaks a little more.

I literally just want to scream out in anger, walk to the nearest hilltop and scream! My body mind and soul has not been the same since April. I’m trying to be myself but I am a changed person. I smile when I sad, I say I’m ok when I’m not. God has a plan right? Follow his plan they say…. literally fuck my life.

I am blessed to have the things I have but none of that matters when all I want is my baby back. I could live in the shittiest house, drive the shittiest car, make less money and have my baby and be the happiest person alive. Is it because I’m doing well in life and doing right that I’m getting punished? I don’t understand…..

Fuck my life.

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