It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

Some days are good, some days are bad. I was doing so well on focusing on the good in my life until my last AF showed up and I seen something on instagram. There is this girl that I follow who was a week behind me in her pregnancy. She posted that she was at her LAST doctors apt before her baby arrives.

My heart is breaking even more.

In 10 days…. 10 days my baby should have been here with us, in our arms. Safe.

What I wouldn’t give to have that back. To be miserably pregnant, so swollen I can’t put on shoes. I have this huge ass hole in my heart and I don’t know how to fix this pain that I’m feeling.

Snap outta it Randi! The world keeps moving and life doesn’t stop.

But I feel like I’m stuck, that MY world has stopped.

I felt like I was doing so good on my healing process, then in a snap of a finger I went in the total opposite direction. I feel like I’m going backwards. My stress level is off the charts.

I went to my doctors and broke down and balled my eyes out to her. She gave me some resources for what I’m going through, and she even recommended me to get on birth control for a few months. I’m taking her up on that offer because she said it would get me in check… my ovaries in check, my hormones in check… I hope she’s right.

2017 has been a big year emotionally and mentally for us… sad times and happy times…. and I’m really excited to see 2018 with my one and only Joel. I hope good things are in store for us.

Here’s to no baby making for a few months and hoping to get my emotions and everything else in order. Oh and girls night tonight! Yes soooo needed!


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